A few weeks ago now I had my whole life ahead of me. Well ok, I’m 30 now so probably not my WHOLE life but I can only hope that I have a few more years and the days of the awkward fringe and frill-topped socks are behind at least! But alas, a few weeks ago after a few celebratory drinks for a friend’s new job the group started talking about Tough Mudder.
Tough Mudder, for the uninitiated (or possibly just smart) is an event with the tagline ‘Probably the Toughest Event on the Planet’. Basically it’s a giant 20km obstacle course where people get to complete such fun activities as crawling through mud, jumping into ice-cold water, running through fire, and being electrocuted…You know, just general good times.
Anyway, so friends were talking about it and the team they were entering. It turns out a couple of their original team members had done some further research on what was involved (the death waiver was mentioned) and pulled out. Attention turned to me, and before I knew it (and possibly bolstered by the 2 pots of cider under my belt) I said yes I would join. Phones were pulled out and in a flurry of credit card details, jabbing fingers, and swearing at the smallness of text on the phone screen (though I believe it made the death waiver seem less threatening) I was in.
Skip forward a few weeks and we come to today.
Four weeks before Tough Mudder.
I am screwed.
My training has been abysmal. Just last week I discovered that I could not even do one pull-up on playground’s monkey bars (seriously, I was just hanging there like a sad pathetic skin-bag of potatoes), so I have tried to step it up. I pledged to up my boxing classes, to do more weights at the gym, to do push-ups in front of the TV every night. So far I have done push-ups one night, then spent all the others just sitting on the couch making snarky comments about those Budget Direct ads (have they been having the same argument for five years? Why would she have not dumped his annoying arse already?).
My teammates seem less concerned. Talk has turned to team outfits. At this stage I’m just considering what my corpse would look best in…